You Won’t Know How Fascinating I Was Until I’m DeadIf you’re the one tasked with having to go through all my stuff after I die, heads up. It’s some pretty boring stuff. Except for the cool…Feb 3Feb 3
My Stupidometer 2000 Continues to Confirm the Obvious“You have to take the toaster pastry out of the package before you put it in the toaster,” I said to Carl, possibly averting a disaster of…Mar 29, 2024Mar 29, 2024
Add Duck-Washing Soap to Your Grocery List… Just in CaseWhen was the last time you needed to wash black, greasy oil from a baby duck?Mar 23, 2024Mar 23, 2024
If You Ever Find Yourself Out of Belly Button Lint, I’m the Guy to CallAs you get older, you tend to resign yourself to the realities of life. For example:Mar 20, 2024Mar 20, 2024
Future Me Tries to Warn Me About Love and Kitty Kats[Somewhere in in the 1970's… cue creepy yet mysterious music]Mar 8, 2024Mar 8, 2024
Something Horrible Happened On The Way To The Adults’ TableYou know what’s really overrated?Mar 1, 2024Mar 1, 2024
And the Worst Part Was Leaving My Underwear in the WasherSomeone is knocking on the front door. Why in the world is there a doorbell if people are going to knock? Technology… whatever.Feb 23, 2024Feb 23, 2024
Jiggle The HandleI wish life came with a handle. A handle just like the one you find on your toilet.Feb 16, 2024Feb 16, 2024
Should Only Take A Second (Ha!)If your wife ever asks you to stop at the store on your way home to pick up, oh, let’s say some apples...Feb 10, 2024Feb 10, 2024
