Something Horrible Happened On The Way To The Adults’ Table
You know what’s really overrated?
Being “old enough” to sit at the adults’ table at family gatherings.
Totally overrated.
To think I wasted all those years at the kids’ table, hoping and wishing that I could sit with the “adults.”
“So… how’s your job going?”
“Nice weather we’ve been having lately, right?”
“My bursitis. Boy oh boy is it ever acting up today. Pass the pickles please.”
I waited all these years for this?
Meanwhile, over at the kids’ table, they’re laughing and giggling and having a great time.
“Knock, knock,” says the youngest of the bunch.
“Nobody!” one of the cousins shouts.
“No, no… for real. Knock, knock!”
“Okay. Okay! Who’s there?”
“You stink!” he squeals with laughter, the mashed potatoes he shoved into his mouth splurting out through his teeth.
“That’s not even funny. What a dumb joke.”
The youngest finally swallows, tears dripping from his eyes and nose.
“Yes it is funny cuz there was a skunk at the door and the guy says ‘you stink.’”
“You didn’t say there was a skunk at the door.”
Meanwhile, the middle sister is quietly stacking dark green peas on a mound of dull white mashed potatoes.
“Look, look everyone,” she says, pushing her chair back slightly so she doesn’t disrupt the piece of art.
There is quiet for a second.
“It’s Pea Mountain!” shrieks one of the kids.
“Awwwwww, I’m tellin’. You said ‘pea.’”
“No really, look. There are peas on top so you can call it Pea Mountain.”
All the kids around the table are staring.
“Maaaaaaaaaaaaa, Ricky said ‘pee.’”
Just then, the artist brings her spoon down hard on Pea Mountain.
“Earthquake!” she says, smashing the mountain then swirling the mix around on her plate.
All the kids are laughing, swirling whatever is left on their plates, each creating their own version of the aftermath of a mighty earthquake along with aftershocks.
Meanwhile, over at the adult table…
“Stock market was down today.”
“Yes, yes it was. Terrible thing that stock market.”
“This thing on my neck,” one of the adults says, pointing, “is it getting bigger?”
“You should get that checked out.”
“Did you here about that humped-back ugly-as-sin guy, oh what’s-his-name?”
“Yes, who could believe that a guy with one eye and a limp would end up marrying that Hollywood actress… ”
Like me, these too were probably children at one time who laughed and snorted and howled at the “dumbest” of things.
What in the world happened? When did we all become sniveling morons?
I guarantee you it happened somewhere along the way from the kids’ table to the adults’ table.
The adult table?
Overrated.
Totally overrated and totally not worth it.
I’ll take Pea Mountain over this any day.
